When.

New Year's Eve 2011 we found out we were pregnant. We stood in the bathroom of Brian's parents house with shock and disbelief written on our faces as we stared at the test, then at each other, than back at the test. How could this be? This wasn't supposed to happen yet. It wasn't in the plan.

I took another test the next morning trying to convince myself that this wasn't really happening, that it must have been a mistake. Positive again. Still no easier to absorb. How could we go, that very same day, back to our lives in Iowa? What are we supposed to do now? Would anything ever be the same?

We decided to tell Brian's parents before we left. We waited for a few torturous hours before they finally arrived home from the party they attended the night before. We managed to coax them both into the same room (the same room Brian first told his parents he was going to ask me to marry him) away from everyone else and Brian broke the news. They, like us, were shocked, but extreme joy quickly overrode as I was promptly tackled by Sue (yes, we literally fell into the wall) and she repeatedly screamed for joy while I cried. Figuring the yelps of delight were heard by everyone in the house, if not the neighborhood, we decided to tell Brian's siblings as well. They congratulated and hugged us, and I, once again, cried.

Our drive home was full of discussions of what-nows and what-ifs. Originally, we planned to tell my mom and step-dad in person a few weeks later. That decision lasted mere hours until we decided to tell them via video chat later that night. Immediately sensing that something was up, we threw them off the scent by discussing my job situation - basically whether or not I should quit. Larry asked what my hesitation was and I told them I was pregnant. There was a long pause as they waited for me to say I was kidding. When I didn't and they asked if I was serious, I said yes, and promptly started crying again. As expected, my parents were overcome with joy and excitement and we chattered for hours about more what-nows and what-ifs and whens.

When. When meant this was going to happen. It had only been a day and things were already happening too quickly. So naturally I made the guided choice of giving my two weeks notice. Something I had been urged to do for the last few months and probably should have heeded much sooner. Either way, God gave me the final confirmation I needed that it wasn't a healthy place for me and our growing baby to be. There will definitely be aspects, particularly certain people, I will miss from being your friendly neighborhood barista, but overall I'm confident in my decision.

In the mean time, I'm trying not worry about God's plan for me. I hate being stuck at home not helping out financially, but I know God has a plan for me (hopefully not until after all this terrible nausea goes away). Instead of getting a new job right away, we made the exciting, albeit probably crazy, decision to get a puppy instead. If everything goes smoothly (read: if God wants this for us) we will have our female Golden Retriever pup the weekend after Valentine's day. Things are still happening way too quickly.

So quickly that we have our first ultrasound appointment in two days. The day we will probably hear our little one's heartbeat for the first time. The first time I think this is really going to become real for us, and when we finally start sharing our joy with everyone. Brian is going out of his skin wanting to tell people. Seeing the excitement in his face is more comforting than anything else has been so far and I love him so much for that.

Through all this we have come to realize that while this baby wasn't in our plan yet, it was in God's plan. He has proven to us time and again that His plan is always so much greater than our own, it just may take some getting used to. But most importantly, just like our marriage and the life we share, He created this little baby perfectly and especially for us.

Love,
-K