Letters to James

Dear James,

In five short days it will be five months since the anniversary of when we first met.  A lot has been changing in these last five months and I'm loving every minute of it.  So often I hear parents say, "I can't wait until my kid can ___ (sit, crawl, walk, talk, etc)."  I am not so eager for you to grow up.  I love soaking in each day and watching you grow and learn just a little bit more with each one.

Sitting. This will be your next big milestone and boy are you ready for it.  Most of the time, you begin to fuss within just seconds of being set down in your bouncy seat and try valiantly to sit up which only results in a few crunches, but your effort is so great I can practically see your abs growing stronger with each one. Right now you spend a lot of time on the floor, usually rolling onto your tummy and pushing yourself up with your arms to look around and strengthen those back muscles.  You spend more time being held, you love riding around on my hip as we do little odds and ends around the house that keep you fascinated, if only for a few moments.

Being held.  You have started reaching for me to pick you up when I get close to you.  My heart cannot get enough of this.  There are few things so honest and pure in this world as the desire for a little one wanting to be close to their parent, particularly when they are able to actually ask for it.  The idea that you desire me to provide you comfort - little else compares.  I see parents getting annoyed or frustrated when their child asks to be picked up despite being bigger, or older, or able to walk on their own.  Yes, there will be times when I say no because I am going to push you to learn to do things on your own, but there will also be times when I happily say yes because one day you will stop asking and I will wish I had said yes more often.

Sleep.  Just within the last month we've finally adjusted to a schedule where you are going down for the night around 7-8 and getting up 11-12 hours later.  Unfortunately it is not all in one or even two stretches yet.  You are getting up an average of 2-3 times a night right now.  Most of the time you barely open you eyes as you nurse until your growing belly is full and contently go back to sleep.  Other nights, like last night, you'd rather pretend you're a night owl.  Somehow we manage through it as I try not to let my frustration grow with each climb out of bed to flip you onto your back.  The good nights are those when you wake up for the day just cooing and chatting away in your crib, so excited and all smiles when I walk in to say good morning.  Then there are the other nights, the nights when I think to myself, "when will this get better?" and you don't wake up quite as content and yet somehow within that first minute of bleary-eyed fog you do something to make me smile and all my frustrations are gone.  My attitude quickly changes over to "it's okay, we'll make it just fine today," and somehow we always do.

Favorites.  Your favorite time of the day is just before bed, when we let you play on the floor nakey and diaperless.  You talk nonstop.  It's like you suddenly have this great and amazing story to tell and you're not finishing it until you have to put your diaper back on.  You are so smiley when we are hanging out, doing our thing.  Your dad can make you smile quite a bit, too, but I think you laugh even more with him.  The whisker rubs may have something to do with that, something I obviously can't do, but I agree that he is pretty funny which is one of the many reasons I married him.  The sounds of you two playing together and hearing you laugh, oh, be still my heart.  It represents so many things I am blessed with: a happy, healthy child, an incredibly awesome father to my baby, and a beautiful family.  It is a bright and shining star in this broken world we live in, a touch of heaven in a world falling away from it.  A reminder that you were created especially for us.

Every day I thank God for all you have been, all that you are, and pray for what you will become.  I will never stop praying for you.  God's protection and promise for you are so much more than I could ever even attempt to provide, we need Him on our side.

Love,
-Mama