After the wonderful news at my doctor appointment on Monday and her "stirring things up" I had high hopes that we'd be meeting our son within the next few days. I was starting to have a lot more Braxton-Hicks contractions, mainly around dinner time, but it never got to a point where it was consistent. Each night I would start to think "Hey, maybe this is the start of it" and quick clean a few things in preparation but they were usually gone by the time I went to bed. Tuesday night we tried spicy food and we were going to do it again on Wednesday but I just wasn't feeling great so we skipped it. My back had been bothering me most of the day and even still as I went to bed that night. Brian and I went to bed around 10pm, and again any contractions I had been feeling had subsided by then.
I woke up at 3:30am on Thursday unable to sleep. I laid in bed for a little while in hopes of getting a few more hours of sleep. When I realized that wasn't going to happen I went downstairs to read. I noticed my back was still bothering me which was unusual so I started doing some research on pregnancy back pain and back labor - just to see if maybe this was a pre-labor warning sign. It was around 5am when I noticed that my back pain was getting worse and that it was sort of coming and going but never fully going away. I went upstairs and experienced my first contraction strong enough to make me catch my breath. At this point I wasn't even totally sure it was a contraction. Brian woke up and we talked about what was going on as I started timing them, they were five minutes apart. I also texted my mom to give her a heads up and she called to tell me I was in labor and to call the doctor to confirm. I was having trouble believing this was actual labor since I was feeling nothing in my stomach, just in my back. Everything that I read/heard to prepare me for labor said I would experience contractions that became longer, stronger, and closer together. Nothing ever said that you may not feel it in your stomach. I conceited and had Brian call the doctor because I was having some trouble talking through the contractions. The nurse said to go ahead and come in. By this time it was close to 6am and my contractions were already 3-4 minutes apart. Still not quite believing I was in labor, we got ready to leave for the hospital. Brian quickly fed the dog and came up to check on me before taking Callie on a super quick run around the block to make her go to the bathroom before we left her. I had finished packing and was stripping the bed down. Brian came upstairs to find me putting fresh sheets on the bed.
Brian: What are you doing?
Kayla: Changing the sheets for my parents.
Brian: Don't worry about that right now!
Kayla: It's not a big deal, what else am I going to do while you're gone?
Brian: (Probably rolling his eyes at my ridiculousness) Fine, I'll be right back.
I finished making the bed, pausing to climb on, get on my hands and knees and breath through my contractions.
We left for the hospital at about 6:30 and got there at 6:45. Brian checked us in while I bent over at the welcome desk and breathed through a contraction. I'm sure the nurses were all thinking that I must be a big pansy if I already seemed like I was in a lot of pain. At this point I was still not 100% convinced that this was really it but the contractions were too painful for me to care that much, so I just went through the motions of someone getting checked in who was about to have a baby. They put me in a triage room, i.e. a teeny tiny room that is 90% consumed by a bed and hospital equipment so there is no room to move around. They had me change and told me the nurse would be right in. I was asked for water because my mouth was dry from all the long breathing. Almost 15 minutes and several contractions later (and still no water) I asked where the nurse was and Brian went to check. She finally came in and hooked me up to check baby's heart rate and my cervix. As she was checking me she actually uttered the words, "I just have to find the other side." No. Way. I was "a good 6-7cm dilated". I believe my thought at that moment was, "Thank the sweet Lord because if she had said like 4cm I would have started crying," and "Holy crap this is really happening."
I asked when I could go to my room because I needed to get into a tub to help ease the non-stop pain in my back. The nurse told me they were all full but were working on getting someone discharged so I could have a room. Umm, WHAT?! You have to be kidding me. I didn't even have a chance to complain about it because the contractions were so close together. They finally brought me water but I didn't even care anymore. I ended up laboring in that room, bent over the edge of the bed, for close to an hour. For the first little while they had baby hooked up so I could hear his little heart beat rise with each contraction. It made my contractions seem that much more intense so I was happy when they unhooked me and the doctor who would be delivering came in to talk to me. I asked again about my room and they said it was getting cleaned. Still not what I wanted to hear but it was progress and there was nothing I could do. Not long after they came back to tell me that my room was ready so I walked down the hall to my room, contracting almost the entire way, but all I could think was, "get to the tub, get to the tub."
Praise the nurses for their thoughtfulness and having the tub already filling by the time I got there. I literally walked straight into the bathroom, took off my gown, and got in. Oh, sweet semi-relief. The pain became just a tiny bit more manageable. For a little bit anyway. Brian got settled on a chair next to the tub and continued to coach me through my contractions. He was sitting on my left with the shower wall on my right which had an assist bar on it. Not long after getting in the tub I really started to feel the pain in my stomach in addition to my back. Somehow we ended up in the position of having Brian holding onto the assist bar so that his arm was stretched out in front of my head. I was holding onto his arm with both hands and rocking back and forth as I breathed through my contractions. With each rock forward I would softly bang my forehead on the crook of his elbow and focus on one of the screws in the faucet cover. I'm sure it looked ridiculous, but the rhythm helped me stay focused. A few times I stopped focusing on my breathing and was sort of dry crying and it just escalated the pain level - Brian was soo good at reminding me to keep breathing.
The level of pain I was in was astonishing. I never imagined myself to be a "screamer" during labor, but I definitely was as it got close to the end. Although I wouldn't really call it screaming so much as really loud grunting. It was a way for me to stay in control of the pain. I was having double peak contractions - something no one anticipates. My contraction would rise, peak, start to come back down but not completely (so I was still in a fair amount of pain) and then would start rising again, giving me no chance to relax in between. After every few contractions I would finally have one that went down completely, allowing me to relax and catch my breath. I was literally falling asleep in the tub during these periods. I could feel it happening and I didn't even care. I was just happy to have a chance to relax before getting bombarded again.
It went on like this for about an hour. Brian being a champ by letting me practically do headbanging pull-ups on his arm and me understanding with every contraction why people get pain meds, and yet somehow the idea still didn't appeal to me enough for me to start considering it. I was periodically uttering phrases like, "I don't want to do this anymore," and "Brian, it hurts!" to which he lovingly responded, "I know, babe, but you're doing great." Just being able to say it helped me feel a tiny bit better. Have I mentioned what a rock star he was through all this? I realized it, even in the midst of everything going on, how awesome he was being and looked up at him and told him I loved him. Even though he couldn't feel the pain, he was doing this right along with me.
They checked my cervix again after being in the tub for awhile and I had progressed to 8-9cm. Brian and the nurse asked me if I wanted to get out and I responded, "I don't know." I knew I was getting close and told them I wanted them to break my water to help speed things up (I was going to have to get out for them to do it) but at the same time I didn't want to move - what if it was more painful to be out of the tub? I finally agreed to get out as I was starting to feel a little more pressure in my pelvic floor and knew pushing wasn't far off. I got out, put a gown on, and walked over to labor leaning on the edge of the bed at which point my water broke on its own. The nurse asked me if I was feeling like I needed to push and at that same moment my body pushed in a way that I couldn't control. I knew I wasn't supposed to be pushing until I was at 10cm but it was something I couldn't stop. The feeling in my muscles was akin to throwing up, your body takes over and there's just no stopping it. I had a few more involuntary pushes and got on the table.
The doctor was standing in front of me, flanked by two nurses and Brian standing on my left holding my hand. They doctor wanted me to hold the back of my thighs but I physically couldn't do it - my arms were just not letting me. The nurses helped hold my legs instead. Side note: each contraction works to push the baby down and out. When the baby is crowning the contraction pushes him a little bit and then as the contraction eases up, the baby retracts slightly. This is actually a really good thing because it helps stretch things out so baby can fit a little better. Because of this fact, I did not want to just bear down and push with all my might like many doctors tend to encourage. Unfortunately that was what I was being told to do. The doctor told me that with the way I was pushing, baby was only moving a little bit, instead I should be holding my breath and bearing down as much as I could. I didn't even have a chance to say that I didn't want to do that. Although I did actually get to a point where I yelled at her and the nurses because I couldn't catch my breath pushing like that. I think they were trying to hurry me because of another impending labor. They backed off a little, but were still encouraging me to do it their way. Because I didn't have time to catch my breath and tell them what I wanted in between contractions, I gave into their way. It was probably the most painful (and frustrating) part of the whole labor even though it only lasted a few minutes. In the midst of it, to keep me going, the nurses were telling me they could see the baby's hair. I had the awareness to actually ask what color it was. After that, I gave a couple all-out pushes to lots of encouragement from the doctor, nurses, and Brian, and suddenly I felt his head pass through and then his shoulders and a sudden sweep of overwhelming relief and joy as the pain diminished and they laid my son and first child on my chest.
The pain relief was so overwhelming I couldn't even cry, I just held onto my son and listened to his small cries - so incredibly thankful that he was here, safe in my arms, without any problems. I eventually looked up at Brian and literally felt my love for him grow beyond anything I thought possible. We had, with God's loving hands, made this perfect little person. Nothing can prepare your heart for the joy you receive together in that moment.
James spent the first hour of his life snuggled skin to skin on my chest. I fed him for the first time, and Brian and I sat there and soaked him in. 8 lbs 3.6 oz, 20.25 inches of perfection created especially for us.
I may not have cried right after he was born, but I have had many moments since, as I stare at our sweet boy, where I cannot control my tears. I am so constantly overwhelmed and thankful of this amazing little person and the man God chose to be his father. Even as I type this with my little one asleep on my chest, I am crying tears of joy and thankfulness and already wishing for him not to grow up. God is so good.
Love,
-K
Such a great birth story Kayla! You and Brian are going to be amazing parents. And what a trooper you are with everything and no pain meds. Thank you for sharing with us all and God bless you three in all of the upcoming years James has!
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